Letting Go

Brought Fudge to the vet this evening for her weekly review. She has a fever & hasn't eaten at all today. Her viral infection has spun out of control where antibiotics no longer works. On top of that, her liver is shutting down from all the Tofeline (for her fever) she's been taking.

The vet recommends an ultrasound to determine the location of her viral infection & insists that she should continue with her liver supplement which I had taken her off. Fudge absolutely HATES the supplement. She'd spit it out everytime I feed it to her. The vet also suggests different antibiotics to fight the viral infection.

I decided not to take the vet's instructions. Fudge is dying. No amount of liver supplements, antibiotics and ultrasounds are going to save her. It may buy her some time with us but she's not happier. In fact she'll be miserable. Making her take supplements that she hates, subjecting her to more needles & examination by strangers is just going piss her off big time & not to mention cruel.

& just what is the point of doing all this - so that I can spend more time with her? No. As much I want to, but not at the expense of her comfort. My priority now is to ensure Fudge is as comfortable as possible. I can't do anything about her jaundice but I can fight her fever with Tolfedine even if it means slowly killing her liver. At least with her fever under control, she can eat her favourite food - honey baked ham.

A friend of mine comfort me with these words, "each day that Fudge lives, is a bonus. Live the moment". So true. Everyday with her is a blessing. How lucky I am, to have known her in this lifetime even though it is only for a few short months.