Laws of Physics
Law of Cat Magnetism. All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics. Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching. A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping. All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Obstruction. A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance. Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration. No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance. A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
Law of Refrigerator Observation. If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking. A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy. All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment. A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Furniture Replacement. A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing. A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Cat Disinterest. A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection. Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition. A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.