Monday, May 29, 2006

Laws of Physics

Law of Cat Inertia. A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Magnetism. All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics. Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching. A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping. All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Obstruction. A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance. Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration. No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance. A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

Law of Refrigerator Observation. If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking. A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy. All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment. A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Furniture Replacement. A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing. A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Cat Disinterest. A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection. Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition. A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

8 Comments:

Blogger Zeus said...

Law of Cat Magnetism. All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

The human pet nodded her head vigorously when she read this and gave me this, "I told you," look. What can I say? I love all of her black slacks, capris, jeans, gauchos, and shorts.

Law of Cat Obstruction. A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

The human pet snorted and said, "Every morning, this is your modus operandi." Look: Just because you're walking down the pitch black hallway to make some coffee doesn't mean you get the right to ignore me. I have to roll over on my back and expose my cute belly so you trip - otherwise, you would not say good morning to me!

1:18 AM  
Blogger calsifer said...

LOL

I can't help but feel the resonance at all these!

Laws of Physics must be obeyed - Einstein, Hawkings, even Schröedinger's cat decrees it, so I hear and humbly accept the indelible.

Thanks, Cat, that helped refocused reality for this cat minion.

9:44 AM  
Blogger KXBC said...

Law of light - Light travels in a straight line in all cases except when a cat is blocking it eg in front of the computer or on the newspaper. In those exceptional cases, light will bend and reach our eyes so that we can see what is behind the cat.

2:29 PM  
Blogger I LUV CATS said...

I found the cutest photo on your site.

3:17 AM  
Anonymous Uncle Wart said...

CAT HAIKU

The rule for today:
Touch my tummy, shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

Grace personnified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Terrible battle!
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a "tax return?"

We're almost equals.
I purr to show I love you.
Want to smell my butt?

The Big Ones snore now.
All the rooms are dark and cold.
Time for "Cup Hockey."

Big Ones like furball
gifts, they wrap them in tissue!
Today must leave more.

Oh, no! Big One has
been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards.
This pillow's taken.

Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.

Toy mice, dancing yarn,
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced.
You're an idiot.

1:32 PM  
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